Blooming Disaster: a story of the last 5 years of my life

TW : mental health issues, mention of suicide, emotional abuse

hi.
as of today, June 4th 2026, it has been 5 years since i started the Blooming Disaster project.
so i’m gonna tell you how these years went.

5 years ago i was so young and in the midst of getting to know myself, my real self. i was still living with my family, the people that hurt me the most, and whose effects i still suffer from. trauma has never really left me, if you have listened to my album “Overcast”, you’ll see a lot of suffering in those lyrics.

but. there is also another aspect to this. when i originally envisioned the name and meaning for this project, i thought of the concept of being called wrong your whole life, without it being your fault. like, in a way, nature failed. so it’s connected to natural disasters, but also human conditions that are considered “not normal”. Blooming Disaster is my way of reclaiming those labels people put onto me when i was younger, it’s my way of healing.

in 2021, right as i was making my songs, i started accepting my truth as a queer person. i started wanting more from it. i knew i didn’t feel like my assigned gender at birth, and i wanted to express my femininity more. being trans is totally part of the project, because people think that transitioning completely ruins you, even if it’s really life-saving. but being trans is really an incredible euphoric experience sometimes.

as i was making “Cosmonaut”, in march to may 2021, something shifted, and i knew i wanted a new name, both for myself and for my artistic endeavors. that summer, i was feeling ready to share my art to the world, and make a lot of it. but then something happened. my abusive mother somehow found all of my socials, and started stalking and harassing me, and every person i was in contact with. both friends and people who didn’t even know me. this led me to isolate myself, out of fear of indirectly hurting everyone around me, and being hurt again by those who should have supported me the most.

at the start of 2022, i made the second song for this project, “Unnamed Song”.

i was planning to make a lot of stuff for that song, including a vocal version and a music video. but then i started feeling the worst i’ve ever felt. after an argument with my dad, i got into a manic episode, which made me lose control, and i almost attempted suicide. that day i quickly called my therapist, who basically saved me by telling me to go to the hospital. then i spent a week in a psych ward, and started taking meds. i was also in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD, something i had been seeking for a while. my parents didn’t believe me when i told them i was neurodivergent. then i got the diagnosis, but they still didn’t believe me.

that same year i left my family to move to a new city, and i wish one day to completely cut contact from them. i started university for the second time, but i was still feeling like shit. so i wasn’t going to class or studying at home. but in that moment i started making something that would later become my first album. i conceptualized it while i was travelling, leaving my hometown for good. i remember being in the car with my dad, and thinking about all of that greyness, that fog that kept me from seeing that, despite everything, i was fine and i still had reasons to live.

the first months in my new city felt like shit. i started drinking a lot, i completely cut my hair, and i was eating too much. i also stopped my meds out of the blue. then, i got a new therapist, and thanks to her, things were starting to take shape again. at the same time, i found some friends thanks to a LGBT association. i found people like me, and i kept seeing them every week for a couple years.

in 2023 i started a new medication, which changed everything. i was doing my best to recover from the trauma i’ve experienced and the state of mind i was in. since i wasn’t studying for university, i had a lot of free time to roam around the city, taking inspiration wherever i could, to work on various projects. at first i wanted to make this sci-fi story (probably a game or an animation, with an EP attached to it) that i conceptualized in 2022, before moving.

i released an ambient EP in january, called “MOMENT OF A LIFETIME”, which was bandcamp-only first, and then i put it on other platforms. i made it in a “parallel play call” with a friend. then that summer i tried my first all-nighter, a challenge in which you had to make a full song in less than 24 hours. i wished to participate in this thing for years and had a lot of fun from that, and the song i made was then released as “Peak Into Your Storm” (i know the title is a typo, but i like the word play).

so 2023 was the year of my recovery. i found more people, i got to know people that became really important to me. at the end of it we were hanging out more and more.

that same year i was working a lot on the album, and i at least started most of the songs.

i came up with the tracklist before making the music, as this was a heavily conceptualized project.

between 2023 and 2024 i became aware i was falling in love with a person, and, for the first time, i felt that it was reciprocated. in january 2024 we got together, and things went only uphill from there. 2024 was by far the best year of my life. i had finally found reasons to keep going, i started taking exams in university, i made a lot of music. i released a song from 2021, “Recovery”, in january. in august i made another song for an all-nighter, “Start Anew”. and i finished and released my first album, “Overcast”, in october. in the meanwhile, me, my partner, and a friend of ours, eventually became housemates. that year i also got diagnosed with autism (i already knew lol).

but at the end of the year things got a bit grim, as i was forced to go back to my parents’ house for the holidays. i came out to my parents and brother in 2023. since then, my mother thinks i’m satan or something. she confronted me about things she thought she knew about me, but were completely wrong, and she didn’t believe me in any way when i told her. so that left another mark on me that i still cannot forgive my parents for. my mother is the abusive one, but i still think that my father, even if a victim too of her doings, is part of the problem, for never standing with me when i need it.

in 2025 i didn’t release any official music. i made lots of remixes and various other things, including an introductory video for my youtube channel. i really want the channel to grow at some point. still don’t know how to do that. until 2025, i was constantly mentally busy, whether it was from bad stuff or good stuff. but that year, i started feeling demotivated because i felt my project wasn’t going anywhere. i wanted to grow. i felt like i had to offer a lot to the world, as i still do, but don’t know how to reach people. since 2023 i had begun working on my second album, and i made some progress during these past months, but other than that, 2025 flew past really quickly.

so, 2026. it started really badly, i have been feeling like shit once again, i couldn’t study for university, couldn’t make new songs or finish existing ones. in january i posted a jerma deltarune video on youtube which went really well. but i don’t care a lot about it, to be honest. i made it just for fun. i eventually got the courage to release the first single from the new album in march, “Everything Finds You At The Right Time”. this song is dedicated to my partner and to the new life i have found and constructed for myself. but that wasn’t enough. now, even if i’m not depressed or anything like that, i still feel demotivated, like every single thing became the hardest task ever. i had to go back and forth between doctors, mostly therapists and psychiatrists. i also started feeling unwell physically, still trying to figure out that one though. for now, the only thing helping me is the incredible support from my partner, which i still love so much.

so, to celebrate this 5th anniversary, i tried to reflect back on how it started, and i recorded a freestyle over the remixed Cosmonaut instrumental. i meant to release it today, but didn’t like the result, so i gave up on it. sometimes i still feel like i’m not worthy of calling myself an artist, but then i get reminded that it’s totally okay to have ups and downs in any creative endeavor. also, navigating this world as a queer person sometimes can be incredibly hard, but you have to push through. because the world needs you, and you have so much to offer. what i have been feeling in regards to this milestone are mixed feelings that i can’t even fully describe.

for the future, i wish to grow, not in numbers, but as a person. i still have a lot of work to do. i want to make this project more human (but also not, if you know what i mean), and eventually start performing if someone wants me to do so and my body allows it. i want to release more music, both original and not, especially my second album, which i believe is taking shape really well, and make music videos for my songs maybe. but most importantly, stop being scared of people, reach out to people i like, because they could change your life.

i know in 5 years i will look back on my current self and think: woah, i’ve really made all of those things! and i will keep going, because art and music are what keeps me alive at the end of the day.

sorry for the big yap, just needed to put out some stuff out. if you’re somehow still reading this, thank you infinitely. this has been an incredible journey. and we’re just getting started.

so yeah, that’s it.

bye!